Daffa Abiyyu Blog

 Deep down, I still pray this won't be true to what the title holds. I pray it just be another step in life, though at this time of writing, I don't think I want to take another step and call it quits. Let's be real though, my choice didn't matter on this. Unless I do it my way, others will force it the high way as always. Idiocy is where I would put myself. Three times in a row is ridiculously stupid, and they are different decision, yet it has been very stupidly consistent. I suppose when I pour a decision with my heart in, my parents would call it "a bad decision" and forces me out of it, literally. Definitely all the goldenbird theme I feel of myself put with an emphasis, oh sorry, a bronzebird colored golden with oily colorings that the feather cannot remove those glittering gold that hurt my eyes. So many unfinished tasks, so many unanswered challenges, so long this roadless life. I used to think I can pursue my dream truly, but in the end, I was a cowar...

It's a waste of time. It just makes everything difficult. If my choice never matter, why bother asking my choice? Should've just forsaken all the feelings. Less hurt, less struggle, just sheer loneliness. Should've just focus to the top, alone. If all my choices doesn't truly matter, my deepest heart is not asked of, then just dictate. No need to sing a fantasy of me having a choice when there's no intent of letting me with whom I choose. 3 betrayals, 3 major events. Life is a funny thing. Normally, the saying goes if I had a nickel for every choice I made being overruled, the answer shouldn't exceed 2 nickels. Yet, I have 3 nickels. My education, my work, my love. In the end, why bother saying what I want if it must fit your perfect frame? Just dictate me as you wish, without all the faux, without any pretense of loving me. It's pointless....  Can I just die? Kalau kamu merasa tulisan ini menarik, menginspirasi, atau bermanfaat, kamu bisa dukung aku di Kary...

Years ago, I seek it. Dulu, aku berjuang untuk bisa melewati batas teman, trying to be someone that you consider as dearest. Yes, that's back then. As I said, had it been years ago, I would have straight out say YES out of sheer dumbness, or tenacity, or both. Tabun. I used to be full of desire to get you to acknowledge me, then. Sungguh lucu sekali, I would circumvent and try to just get any chance to meet with you. Aku menginginkan lebih, dulu. But no, it has always been someone else. Someone else get to be your priority, your attention. Berharap lebih adalah kesalahanku, dan aku selalu menganggapnya demikian. Why chase over the skies you cannot reach? I almost burned the entire bridge, truly. Only one more step and I know the entire relationship will turn into nothing more than smoldering ashes in the seas of lost time. You know, had you not talk to me within the short time of me settling my almost 9-years long illusion, perhaps the bridge had been burned completely, as I had wi...

What sets into this massive burning, was a fragile calm plan that was overlooked by the opposition. Hi, this is Daffa from server 1194. As of this writing, I am T2W member and one of the R4 responsible for banner handling, which I am doing a terrible job of, or so I would say of myself. On one Saturday, 23th of June 2024, T2W command decided that we will set WVL to their destruction, officially due to them being a hindrance to our facility interest. The assigned task for me is clear: establish a path to their facility with banners from our old headquarters within a few tens of miles from them. Operation starts in the morning of my time zone. A total of 5 banners was done by noon due to some resource complications. I am under impression that WVL would have some idea of what we are doing with a fast approaching banner, but our intelligence inside WVL suggests otherwise. The reports shown that they consider us "have been quiet today" after some raids the previous day that I sta...