Daffa Abiyyu Blog

 Deep down, I still pray this won't be true to what the title holds. I pray it just be another step in life, though at this time of writing, I don't think I want to take another step and call it quits. Let's be real though, my choice didn't matter on this. Unless I do it my way, others will force it the high way as always. Idiocy is where I would put myself. Three times in a row is ridiculously stupid, and they are different decision, yet it has been very stupidly consistent. I suppose when I pour a decision with my heart in, my parents would call it "a bad decision" and forces me out of it, literally. Definitely all the goldenbird theme I feel of myself put with an emphasis, oh sorry, a bronzebird colored golden with oily colorings that the feather cannot remove those glittering gold that hurt my eyes. So many unfinished tasks, so many unanswered challenges, so long this roadless life. I used to think I can pursue my dream truly, but in the end, I was a cowar...

It's a waste of time. It just makes everything difficult. If my choice never matter, why bother asking my choice? Should've just forsaken all the feelings. Less hurt, less struggle, just sheer loneliness. Should've just focus to the top, alone. If all my choices doesn't truly matter, my deepest heart is not asked of, then just dictate. No need to sing a fantasy of me having a choice when there's no intent of letting me with whom I choose. 3 betrayals, 3 major events. Life is a funny thing. Normally, the saying goes if I had a nickel for every choice I made being overruled, the answer shouldn't exceed 2 nickels. Yet, I have 3 nickels. My education, my work, my love. In the end, why bother saying what I want if it must fit your perfect frame? Just dictate me as you wish, without all the faux, without any pretense of loving me. It's pointless....  Can I just die? Kalau kamu merasa tulisan ini menarik, menginspirasi, atau bermanfaat, kamu bisa dukung aku di Kary...