Beginning of the End?

 Deep down, I still pray this won't be true to what the title holds. I pray it just be another step in life, though at this time of writing, I don't think I want to take another step and call it quits. Let's be real though, my choice didn't matter on this. Unless I do it my way, others will force it the high way as always.

Idiocy is where I would put myself. Three times in a row is ridiculously stupid, and they are different decision, yet it has been very stupidly consistent. I suppose when I pour a decision with my heart in, my parents would call it "a bad decision" and forces me out of it, literally. Definitely all the goldenbird theme I feel of myself put with an emphasis, oh sorry, a bronzebird colored golden with oily colorings that the feather cannot remove those glittering gold that hurt my eyes.

So many unfinished tasks, so many unanswered challenges, so long this roadless life. I used to think I can pursue my dream truly, but in the end, I was a coward who didn't dare because I was caged all my life. Any danger is forcefully swooped away before I truly learn, and in the end, I become stale, I become weak. In my heart, calling quits has been getting more and more loud. Betrayed, battered, tattered, shattered.

"Maaf ya." Doesn't cut it anymore. My younger self perhaps would be elated hearing it, but nowadays, my full distrust has led me to believe it's a word to cage me. It doesn't matter. I don't matter. Your reasoning might sound just, but it's more of personal wishes of yours that my explanation never mattered anyway. So, why bother? Just dictate what you want, it doesn't matter anymore.

I hope that only I be the one disappoint you, because at least I know my younger brother is doing well, and thus I pray myself that he's doing best so you all can forget of me once I end my game. Like all the dead in the family only lives in part of memories, at least the way I see it nowadays. They'll be mentioned in passing, pain unattached to those words. I used to believe we always honor their memory, but I suppose words are the kindest we can offer to make it look honorable.